Propelled by the motto "Let Tree Have Standing," the victory was achieved by a revaluing of votes to reflect what Vice Presidential Candidate Snack "Food" Chain called "the true will of the planet." With cooperation from certain sympathetic police officers, pollworkers, political operatives, state officials, legislators, and even judges, including the majority of the nation's highest court, Tree's party managed to have many "black" and "brown" votes (those coming from polluting industries) disqualified, and prevented many other "voters of color" (tainted by association with human activity) from casting their votes at all. Certain "Yew"ish voters were tricked by some butterflies into voting for a minor third-party candidate, one who actually favors cutting all Pacific Yews. (Tree first earned the enmity of Yews when, in his bid for the governorship of Ecotopia, he used family connections to remove many Pacific Yews from the Ecotopian voter rolls, thereby assuring his own victory over a prominent elder Yew. Most Yews have never forgiven him.)
In a remarkable series of maneuvers, Tree and his supporters used all branches of government, and "every trick in the book," to secure the hotly-contested election. "The will of the planet will not be defeated," Jeremy declared. Heavily financed by the "Green People," Tree's campaign promised to reward these "greenbackers" generously if Tree were placed in power. Ultimately, exploiting family and political connections that date back decades, and bolstered by the support of greenbackers heavily invested in his victory, Tree was able to have himself declared winner even though all sober assessments indicated that the electorate (in the traditional understanding of that term) had favored his opponent. "Some votes count more than others, as well they should," Squirrel, a spokesperson for the Deep Ecology Party, explained. "The Green People know what's right for America. Are we to be shackled to outdated definitions of democracy?"
The Deep Ecologists found a sympathetic ear in the United States Supreme Court, which blocked a count of the vote in a heavily "colored" region in order to hand Tree the Presidency. "This coup was achieved by using, and throwing out, ballots, not bullets," Squirrel reflected. "We employed economic, political, and ecological power, not military might. Today is a day to be proud about America."
"Deep Ecology has always been about connections," campaign manager Buzz "Bald" Eagle reflected. "Relying on numbers, and common people, alone, we could never have achieved this victory. But remember what Margaret Mead said? 'Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.' And we're indebted to John Muir for this insight--'When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the Universe'--and also to Chief Seattle: 'All things are connected like the blood that unites one family.' By pulling on the strands of an intricately woven political web, we were able to change reality and come out on top, even though we were in the minority of the 'human' voters." Indeed, analysis by independent media observers confirmed that Tree had lost both the popular vote and--except for intervention by his friends--the electoral vote which ultimately determines the winner.
"I can't emphasize enough the importance of family," Eagle continued. "Tree would never be where he is today without his parents, who have literally nurtured him and raised him in their protection from day one. They have buffeted him from winds that would normally have toppled a tree as weak on top as he, and given him opportunities he never would have had unless he'd been in their grove. In this campaign he was able to use the combined influence of not only his immediate family but also his parents' friends, his own friends, and other family friends, especially his brother's friends. That last web of connection was very significant, let me tell you, since his brother is very cozy with some of the people responsible for determining how the votes were counted in the 'colored' regions.
"And finally, of course, most of the Supreme Court justices who voted for him, and effectively overruled established human law to let 'green power' prevail, also had very good 'family' reasons for doing so. Two sons of one justice were lawyers for Tree; another's wife worked for an organization planning Tree's transition to the Presidency; a third wanted to retire early to be with her husband but couldn't stomach having Tree's opponent choose her successor. It's all about connection, as we've been saying all along. In the end, natural law trumps human law. Democracy--using the 'voice of the people' as some kind of guide to government--is an idea whose time has come and gone. Let Tree have standing."
Throughout the fiercely-fought campaign and its legal aftermath, one thing became clear: Tree has friends in high places. The national media, most of it funded by the same greenbackers who put Tree in the Oval Office, has been quick to learn its ecological lessons and recognize the source of its sustenance. "Green speaks!," another Tree campaign motto, is now clearly enshrined, for all to see, as a fundamental principle of American politics.
A contributor to numerous periodicals, books, radio/television programs, and web-based news forums, Fred U. Lance has covered American politics for decades.
�2001* Talking Leaves
Spring/Summer 2001
Volume 11, Number 1
Tools for Sustainability/Eco-Humor
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