In My Heart/Eyes...

Journal Entries and Letters from Justin Davis, July-October 2004

Our friend Justin Davis, who spent seven weeks at Lost Valley this summer, returned to Texas at the end of September and died on October 4, 2004 in an automobile accident (see Notes from the Editor, on page 9, for more on Justin and how he contributed to our lives). His partner Karly has graciously allowed us to reprint excerpts from the last few months of his journal. Thank you, Justin, for your enduring words of insight and wisdom.-Ed.

Ecospirituality in My Heart/Eyes

from a letter to Karly, July 31, 2004

For me ecospiritual means incorporating all non-human things (and human things too!) into my spiritual practice. This means being open to all signs, signals, and communication from all physical and nonphysical living and non-living entities. It also means holding innate respect for the great purpose of all things; the very existence of something is reason enough for me to respect and learn why it exists, because it is there for a reason. It is seeing each thing as a representation/actuality of the great spirit/oneness that holds everything together and is in everything. It does not matter to me that it is not "scientifically verified." I feel most things in the universe are not "scientifically verified"; when I feel something in a present and grounded state, it is true and real for me because my body is an instrument capable of perceiving and recording all sorts of "data."

I can do various things to "tune" the instrument of my body. One is learning to understand my self: physically, emotionally, spiritually. When I earnestly attempt to decipher and understand what is emanating from inside my body, I can use that awareness to pick up on subtle changes within my body. I can also perceive more acutely "energies" coming in from the outside.

Also I can "tune up" by being out in nature. Nature is constantly sending out various types of communications, most of them non-verbal. I can decipher these through experience and experimentation with signals and results.

The wilderness is my church. I can go into the wild and receive guidance for anything. It is mainly a matter of opening up my heart, my door, by breathing through it and focusing on it. My heart is my connection to the great spirit/nature/God.

Connecting contact with animals and specific thoughts and what these animals mean to me results in a message from that animal. This sort of activity is person specific and animal specific and sighting specific. Two sightings of the same animal within five minutes of each other could have totally different meanings.

Also, plants growing in a certain area are communicating certain things about the condition of the land. A group of plants is like a newspaper front page or a certain chord within a song or symphony, communicating certain things by their grouping and individual conditions (size, leaf color, thickness, density of branches/leaves, etc.); these groupings and communications are always unique.

Learning about specific characteristics of plants in books is extremely helpful, yet that is only part of the picture. Another large part is observation in the field of the many ecosystems and locations and microclimates and guilds of specific plants. This is where the plant and other plants begin to communicate directly to me (in comparison to the indirect communication of books).

All this that I write of is sacred to me, is spiritual to me; eco-spirituality.

When I view something happening that goes against what I have communicated with/from plants/animals/great spirit/nature it really deeply disturbs me and I sometimes have had judgment upon the person doing the "injustices." I assume they have not communicated or listened with any plants/animals/spirits and are acting out of a singular purpose instead of a diverse multifaceted purpose.

Journal entry, Texas:

What do people do without parks? (or open space, or wild space)

--they go crazy...

Journal entry upon arrival in Eugene:

Here in Eugene (You-gene as I say it; u-Geene as the bus driver said it) at Morning Glory...The last time I was here was with Cypress one year and eight months ago...we sat over there.

I noticed very subtle differences between people and places from Southern California and the big city Southwest (Phoenix, El Paso) to Northern California and Oregon (Redding and Eugene). Two big things are bike lanes and a brightness in the eyes of the people I see. Bike lanes are so easy to add, a simple line on an existing road, that can have such a profound effect on a city. I venture that an effective, efficient, and complete bike lane system can noticeably reduce traffic without the need to consult studies; i.e., someone can casually observe a difference in similar size cities with and without bike lanes.

I would like to compare Eugene and Waco. They seem to be about the same size. They are both university towns, have large rivers running through with extensive parks along them. However, the cultures seem totally different at first or second glance.

I have a strong suspicion that I would not find as high of a percentage of people in Waco as in Eugene that have a "brightness in the eyes" and are willing to look me compassionately in the eyes for more than a split second, or who would feel comfortable hugging me.

Journal entry at Lost Valley:

What I like about Lost Valley:
* the amount of food grown here
* the focus of the core group of folks; unified vision
* the open space and views of the property and surrounding mountains (including Zion)
* the outdoor kitchen and barn space
* the lodge and public space around it
* two cooked community meals a day, that most people come to, a great time to socialize with folks I usually don't see
* work party on Friday, a great time to diversify my tasks
* a close bus line
* all the well-established fruit trees
* the openness and honesty of all the people living here
* Naka-Ima
* the educational center
* purpose circles
* well-being meetings--millings

What could improve:
* more garden space, especially in unused former garden space
* more native edible/medicinal plants used in groundcover, brush, understory guilds for food forests, and signs about them
* more community bikes that are at lodge and clearly labeled
* more picnic tables
* less Douglas firs and more cedars, oaks, diversity of trees
* using tractors to clear roads for trails once a year
* more interaction with neighbors
* more space for community members in "community areas" (kitchen, lodge, open spaces) during conferences (especially non-Naka-Ima conferences)
* more open/clear trails in "new forest"
* separate but attached kids area in or around lodge
* making trails to destinations (hilltops, special trees/plants, sacred spots)
* review process for long-term community members (yearly?)
* a way for surrounding neighbors to join in on the abundance of meals/food--co-op?
* a playground area for kids, a covered "nice" kids space closer to lodge/community center

A Story from Justin's journal:

It was a warm day when the sun was shining and the wind came from the south. I was hanging around a red brick house on the hill and as the afternoon rolled by I grew bored of the walls and of the house and wandered outside and to the north and the woods.

I walked across the meadow through grass as high as my shoulders down the hill by the small pond and up the hill on the other side. The woods loomed large on the hill ahead of me.

Soon I came to a fence. At one time the fence separated the area where the cows were from the wilderness. I looked up and down the fence and did not see the way across it. I walked east along the fence until I came to an opening in the fence (a gate?). I turned to go into the woods and standing there before me was a massive old oak tree! It was bigger 'round than two or even three people could reach around and hug! And it reached over a large area of the forest.

I asked the tree, "May I enter the woods?" I listened very closely and looked up at the tree. The wind blew from the west and I heard an affirmative "Hmmmmhmaa." I quivered and smiled and entered the woods.

I walked past thorny vines on one side and brush so thick on the other side that I couldn't see through them. I came to a clearing in the woods where the sun hit the ground. Yucca and wildflowers grew on the ground and birds sang while they flew through the air. I thought, "How joyous to sing and travel at the same time!" So I walked on down the trail that revealed itself more as I walked, singing all the while.

I came across another massive oak tree that was bigger than two people could reach around. I walked more and came across another oak tree that was massive! I then came to some wild plums that were red and just ready to eat; I filled my mouth and stomach with them. They were strong medicine for my hunger. I came to a clearing of more grasses and ferns and in the distance I heard a creek singing. I wandered closer past a lone pine in the clearing and came to the small creek dancing and singing from one place to another down a small valley. I stood there fascinated by the sudden beauty I had stumbled across in the middle of the woods; I listened to the creek's smooth luscious song: Glaa Glaa Gla Gla Gla Gla. I was inspired by the grace and ease and flow that this water moved from one place to another and with a deep breath I drew this grace and ease and flow into my life.

I walked on past many plants and creatures scurrying off among the brush. I walked for quite a distance through forest tall and wide and short and thick. Soon I grew tired of walking and came across a gently sloped clearing by another creek. I reached down to touch the mix of oak leaves and pine needles and other unknown decomposing matter; it was softer than my bed! (to be continued!)

Journal entry in Eugene, September 27, 2004:

I've just been out at Lost Valley Educational Center for six or seven weeks (I'll have to look at a calendar to be exact). It was an educational experience. It was a luscious experience, a growing experience, a grand experience, a life experience, a genuine experience, a confidence-building experience, a friend-making experience, a personal experience, a ripe experience, a joyous experience, an experience.

I would do it all over again. Karly and I made it out of the "valley of sickness" (so called because, according to several folks, the Native First Nations people came to the "Lost Valley" to grieve or cure their sickness) alive and closer and more intimate and confident in our common path.

Certainly, it doesn't seem healthy for people to stay there long term. I was sick there more in seven weeks than I have been in two years away from there. Perhaps I was cleansing or purifying myself somehow. I did learn some lessons regarding overeating and preparing my own food when I need it.

I heard something: perhaps Naka-Ima is so successful because it is a healing art (more or less) and it is in this strange valley of transformation. Our society at large does seem to be in a great (meaning protracted) time of imbalance. United States culture, in general, is heavily dependent for its functioning upon the apparently limited resource of oil. We would not live so quickly, so intensely, so demandingly were it not for the high calorie per gram energy of petroleum oil and its byproducts. The emotional imbalance comes via an imbalance in the cost of certain activities and the repayment of the source. For example, we cut down trees in a clearcut and do nothing for the soil. Some of the long term costs of such an activity are decreased rainfall, increased erosion, and increased stress due to lack of peaceful mature forests. The emotional imbalance is this: with such activities we begin to think that we can take and not give, and survive: how does this mindset carry over to human culture at large? Fortunately for us humans there is such abundance on this planet that failure of civilizations due to resource depletion has been limited in recent times. Part of the failure of Roman civilization was due to resource depletion in their immediate area. Indeed much of the Eastern and Southern coasts of the Mediterranean were formerly forested...

So I plan to spread Naka-Ima to Austin with Karly.

A Postcard:

(Justin's final postcard to Karly after leaving Lost Valley, delivered in person when they met, after their separate return trips, just a few days before Justin's death)

Hi Karly,
I'm thinking of you. You are sweet, a sweetheart, a lover. I was talking about you with Michael and Dianne; I called you my lifetime partner. I said it with honesty, without regret or remorse. After our roller coaster experience at Lost Valley I feel extraordinarily confident in our relationship; especially in our communication and conflict resolution skills. I'm going to be here for you Karly, to hear your feelings and help you express them; and to help you feel safe and loved when I'm able to. I feel you will be there for me in a similar capacity; to love me and help me feel healthy, independent and confident when you are able... I am here in Amarillo (Yellow in Español), the bus station is art deco style and has an interesting design. There are 4' x 4' terrazzo tiles and half the restroom is 1" thick marble! Talk about oil money! I miss you and look forward with smiles and excitement to snuggling with you, kissing you and smelling you--like this badger is smelling the Rosa setigera [photo on front of postcard--Ed.] . I love you! Loveling Justin

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